He was always my protector. Ever since I mustered up the courage to speak to him at lunch, he was always my protector. Some might say we were too close to just be friends but that's what we were.

Although we were close, he still spent most of his time with his guy friends either at the gym or the pub. It was something that annoyed me. Mostly because he was wasting his time. He was turning 21 next month and had no direction for his future.

I know I shouldn't care if that's what he wanted to do, but I wanted something more for him. I wanted him to have purpose in his life.

I was on an internship at an agency and had a few jobs that paid me some good money since my parents didn't work 9–5 jobs anymore.

Damon had invited us all round for a meal later tonight. He didn't want to tell me why even though I asked him a number of times. He may listen to me, but I'd be stupid to think that I could control what he did.

He was very charming which makes it hard to stay mad at him. Only my stepsister knew about my secret longing for Damon. Not going to deny it. He was rather handsome, and did I say charming already?

My interest with him started at a party. I had turned 18 a few days before and we were both drunk. Actually, a lot of people were drunk.

I was camped out on the stairs with a few of the guys, bored of the game that everyone was playing in the lounge. Damon and I were left alone when the guys heard some more girls were on their way. Horny bastards.

I was just playing with the scar on his arm when Damon lifted me up and placed me on his lap. The next thing I knew, he'd smashed his lips against mine.

Like every first kiss, it was awkward at first, but his lips coaxed mine and made it easy to follow.

The following morning when we had McDonald's for breakfast, I found out that he didn't remember a thing. I decided never to bring it up and just have my own little secret.

I'm glad he was my first.

I took my time getting ready for tonight. I don't know why, but I felt like something big was going to happen.

He had been acting distant lately. Going to the gym more than normal and having these meet ups where he would have to travel an hour away. I didn't understand it, but I also knew if he didn’t want to straight up tell me then I wouldn't be successful in getting an answer from him.

I picked out a classic black dress that fit me perfectly. I paired it with some black boots and a thick jean jacket that was actually his. I should probably return it to him tonight before I forgot.

I sprayed some perfume on and did a final check in the mirror before I made my way downstairs. My parents were ready to drive me and my sister to the restaurant.

We were meeting him there, and I assumed most of the guys would be meeting us there too. I was so nervous walking inside, but Lily had a tight hold on my hand. I could always rely on my sister.

Pretty much everyone was seated already. Damon had already pulled out a seat for me that was right next to him. I smiled at him and took my place.

We ordered our food and started eating when our meal arrived. The casual conversation around the table was nice and relaxing. Damon had his seat close to mine and we were shoulder to shoulder.

"Is that my jacket?” he leaned in to whisper in my ear. I angled my head sending him a small smirk.

"You can have it back tonight," I said to him, grabbing my glass of coke and slowly drinking from it. I saw him take a drink of his own.

"No, keep it." I was about to object, but he sent me a look that said, “Don't argue.”

After all the years I've known him, I knew that look all too well.

"You're going to need it," I heard him mutter as he turned his head to converse with one of the guys. Those words scared me. Why would I need his coat? I have plenty at home just like this one. Maybe not as big and warm, but very similar.

"You okay?" Adam, Lily's boyfriend, whispered, placing his hand on my arm. I nodded quickly. I hadn't even noticed that I was just staring at Damon as he spoke.

"Yeah, just thinking," I answered honestly.

"You're probably dying to know why we're having such a formal dinner and why he wanted everyone to be here," he says. I feel like he knew something I didn't.

"Do you know?" He shook his head, but I felt as though he was lying.

An hour passed, and Damon got all our attention. He had everyone watching and listening to him with such ease. It was admirable.

He sat up straight and placed his hand on my leg. It was firm, but it was like he needed me for courage. My heart was racing. I had no idea what Damon was thinking at this minute.

"Thank you for coming tonight. As well as inviting you all to have a meal like we used to, I also have something I want to tell all of you." I watch his mom bite her lip slightly. She was avoiding eye contact with anyone.

I stared at her. What did she know?

"Right. Well, I guess this is the time to say it. I've been thinking a lot lately." Thinking and Damon…well this can't be good.

"And the main thing I've had on my mind is my future. I'm 21 now and I have no future planned at all. I know that worried a lot of you, but it never really seemed important to me." I could sense some shakiness in his voice.

I wrapped my fingers around his arm. He took a deep breath as soon as I did.

"Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I need to figure my life out before I start to pursue what I really want. Dad left saying that I would be the man of the family. I need to take care of everyone, but right now I'm failing. I've considered everything, and in a week, I will be joining the army. Not only will I be fighting for my country, but it will give me time to really think."

The guys were shocked for about two seconds before they stood up and started to congratulate him.

He removed his hand from my leg and thanked them. I was in total shock. I never thought I would hear those words come out of Damon’s mouth. He never said anything about wanting to join the army.

As soon as I heard his mother’s faint cry, I flew out of my seat. Without sparing a glance, I raced out of the restaurant, desperate. I ran into my dad’s Range Rover and sat in the backseat. I let the tears fall from my eyes, sending a silent prayer that all this was a dream.

The sound of the door opening made me freeze. I could sense it was him. I didn't even have to check.

"Baby girl, I'm sorry," he whispers, wrapping his arms around my waist. As soon as his nickname fell from his mouth, I sobbed into my hands. I hated how weak I was right now.

He lifted me up, placing me in his lap. His hands came up and wiped away my tears. But I had given up. I let them continue to fall.

"I hate to see you cry," he mumbled. I couldn't help it though. He was always here right where I needed him. Now he was leaving me and there was a chance he wouldn't come back.

"I have to go; I need to figure my life out. I know you hate how I'm pissing about, but I want to make you proud of me, baby."

I sniffle. I didn't mean go get yourself killed, I think to myself. What kind of logic was that?

"What if you don't come back?" I muttered, playing with his long fingers.

His breathing faltered slightly.

"I will, baby girl. I'll always come back, whatever it takes," he said seriously.

Feeling like I had no other choice, I nodded my head and sank into his embrace.

Damon led me out and into his own car. I texted my parents saying I'd go home with Damon, which they understood. I felt at ease in Damon’s arms.

We were both playing a game on his Xbox, one of the special ways we spent time together.

"Stay with me tonight baby. We can get breakfast tomorrow morning at that place you love," he said, pressing his lips against my head.

He had no idea what his kisses did to me.

“Okay Damon," I replied, my heart slowly breaking.

Waking up in the morning, I rolled over expecting to see Damon’s large form sleeping silently. But instead, I was met with a bouquet of red roses.

I smiled from ear to ear, smelling the beautiful scent until I saw a small piece of paper sticking out. With a horrible gut feeling, I scanned the paper, reading the words written in his handwriting.

I nearly choked when I read it. Tears were falling down my cheeks.

He lied to me. He left without having the balls to say goodbye like a proper man. How could he do this to me? Did he do the same to his mum? For fuck’s sake, Damon.

I realized that I was still in his house. I made my way down the staircase and into the kitchen.

I saw Damon’s beautiful mom at a table holding a piece of paper with tears in her eyes. I realized how much of a baby I've been. After losing her husband, and now her son, this woman has just been left alone.

"Natalie!" I ran towards her, wrapping my arms around her in a tight embrace.

"He's gone," she whispered. Her tiny sobs were the only sound filling my ears.

I had decided. From this day, I would do anything to help Natalie. I would treat her like my own family because she truly needed a family right now.

I wouldn't forget this day. It was the day I realized how selfish Damon really was.

Three Years later Having a boyfriend, you'd think that I would feel loved and cherished. That's what I thought when I got into this relationship.

It’s been three years since Damon left, and I've only just been able to get over it. Well, as much as I could anyway. The number of times I think of him weekly is probably unhealthy.

James was a close friend of mine, but an even closer friend of Damon’s. I was surprised when, after a few weeks, James started to show interest in me.

I didn't find him that attractive at first, but he soon made his way into my life, and now we are technically going out. The reason why I say technically is because we're not really your average couple.

We've been together for four months now and the only thing we've done is kiss. That's all he wants to do. I'm not being a slut or anything, but don't I deserve more than that from my boyfriend?

It’s so frustrating, but I've just got to live with it, I guess.

People talk about James a lot. I mean, he was pretty special around here since he was popular and an all-around good guy. They talk about him, but they don't do it around me. But I've heard them.

Natalie, Damon’s mum has been doing well recently. She no longer cries about losing him, and she's found strength in forming a bond with a new man, Christian. My mum had decided to play matchmaker.

Christian is a retired policeman, but he’s still able to make money directing a crime series. We’re all fans of his show—it literally gets my heart beating out of my chest.

Damon came back for a few days in December, right before Christmas. Apparently, he met Christian and was instantly a fan. Supposedly they got on really well and had a lot to talk about, which I guess is good for the family.

Although Natalie’s fallen in love with Christian, there is no question that she still loves Damon's father. They had something out of this world, and no one could match that. But she's still young. She’s just turning 48 in a few months, and it would be wrong to not ever try again.

I wasn't in town when he came back. I was on a trip with my work in the states, so I missed him. He's tried to contact me plenty of times and I've been able to have normal conversations with him. But that's all I give him. It pains me too much.

Over the years, I learned that being mad at him for fighting for his country and getting his life sorted wasn't right. He deserved to be happy, so I just had to accept that. I'm still sore about how he lied to me about leaving though.

But I had to move on. I needed to just live my life without him.

I have great family and friends, and also a really good job that pays me well. Working at the agency, I create campaigns for different businesses. It has always been my passion, so I'm just glad I work with a really good company.

Even though I don't speak to him as much, I still watch the news every day for updates on the situation in Asia. The army was called to help with a war outbreak in southeast Asia and they were working to with the army in Vietnam to put a stop to rebels there.

It’s something that has good days and bad. With nuclear weapons being used more now, the risk is so much more than it used to be. I get scared because something could happen to Damon.

I thought I was the one that was the angriest at him, but James had a deeper anger for Damon. They were best friends, but he left James and he felt abandoned just like the rest of us.

I know that James is scared too. We’ve had discussions and I know he cries for his lost brother out on the battlefield.

Right now, we are all at Natalie's house. Christian had suggested we all have a barbecue to celebrate my stepsister’s graduation. We would do it at mine, but Natalie has a bigger house so we thought that it would be better suited for a barbecue.

Mum was a major part of helping Natalie move on, and they have grown close just like sisters.

My little sister is graduating from art school and I couldn't be prouder. My stepdad, Shane, came into my life when I was two years old after my parents got divorced and my dad left with his fucking mistress. My mom found love again with this man.

Shane was the only dad I ever knew. And from the stories my mum told me I knew that my real dad was an actual jerk.

I was over the moon when I found out they were going to have a baby. I was super curious about the growing bump my mum had and I knew that I would always take care of my little sister. 

"Hey ma," I called as soon as I entered the house. Practically everyone was here already but I was late because I had a doctor's appointment this morning. I've been getting intense migraines lately, so I just got myself some meds.

"You're late." She narrows her eyes at me as she cuts up some fruit on the table. Wow, okay, I literally told her I was going to be late.

I wrap my arms around her shoulders.

"Nah, everyone's early, Madre," I say, laughing against her back. She only groans at me, but I know she's fighting a smile.

She fell into conversation with me as I helped take the fruit to the large table outside.

"Sky, you're here!" I laugh as my sister comes running up to me. She was wearing a cute summer dress with her hair tied in a high ponytail.

"Hey Ill, congrats! I'm literally the proudest of you," I say, crushing her in a hug. She giggles.

"I beg to differ," Dad says, coming over as well. He joins us for a hug, nearly squashing us.

We all laugh before finally sitting down at the table. We cheer to Lily’s success before digging into the delicious barbecue that Christian prepared for us.

I couldn't actually believe that we sat talking for almost two hours. Before we left the table, Natalie paused, and Christian then said a prayer for our soldier.

We all helped clean up and then made our way into the living room to chill. I excused myself after a while to use the toilet. I’d had way too many glasses of Pimm's, but I couldn't deny that Natalie made a cracking Pimm's.

Finishing my business I headed downstairs and gazed at the photographs hanging on the wall. There were so many; some of Natalie when she was younger and then with Damon and his father.

She really had a beautiful life. As I made my way to the bottom, I had to hold onto the wall as I heard the sound I didn't want to hear. The voice was so familiar to me that I didn't have to ask who it was. 

I slowly stepped inside the lounge and saw everyone crowded around facing the big screen in the room. I had to cover my mouth as I saw who they were looking at. Damon was on the big screen talking to everyone through a video call.

He had changed a lot. His uniform looked good on him and his hair was shorter. He looked older for sure. More like a man than the boy I used to know.

"Why the fuck do you look so skinny, Mum?" His voice echoed around the room. It’s true, Natalie had lost a lot of weight.

"Son, your mum’s gone vegan so she will be a lot skinnier," Christian reasoned with Damon. I cringed already knowing the reaction.

"Vegan! Balls, that's courageous of you." I saw her visibly relax at his words.

Damon strongly believed in having a healthy diet that included every food group. He had never liked the idea of going vegan but respected it.

Lily had just walked in when she gasped, practically jumping over people to get in front of the screen.

"Damon, I've missed you big bro!" Lily squealed into the screen causing Damon to laugh deeply.

Lily loved Damon. He would fight off any pervy guy that came her way, and she was always grateful.

When people tried to tell me he liked me, I always told them he was just protective of Lily and me. Lily would argue he was different with me though.

He always had a girlfriend though—a nice Spanish girl from our year. She was beautiful and so kind that I couldn't hate her. Damon seemed happy with her as well.

"Ill, I've missed you too! Congrats on graduating, you little freak." Lily’s narrowed eyes made me laugh. This time I really had to cover my mouth. Please tell me he didn't hear that.

I saw Damon's eyes widen and his body grew tense. My mum glanced at me with a sad look on her face.

"Baby girl is that you?" His voice travelled right to my heart. I struggled to breathe. Hearing my nickname sent memories tumbling through my brain.

Natalie ushers me forward and everyone parts, creating a space for me. I shake my head, and I know she feels sorry for me.

"Come to me baby girl, I need to see you." I couldn't hold out any longer. He always had this commanding tone about him. I didn’t want to do it, but I felt like I needed to. What if this was the last time I ever spoke to him?

With hesitation, I walked closer and knelt down in front of the screen. Everyone started to get up, leaving me alone with him. As soon as I looked into his eyes, I broke down. I tried my best to hold in my tears.

"Hello, beautiful. How are you?" He moved closer to the screen. His eyes were shining brightly. I could barely form a sentence.

"I'm good. You okay?" I ask him, not wanting to make this weird. I have to keep reminding myself that this could be the last time.

"Better now. I missed you, my girl. You look ravishing." I watched his eyes move further down the screen. I was wearing a skirt with a crop top that showed my toned body. His gaze made me feel hot and it was only through a screen.

I blushed. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you came home." No matter how mad I was at him I still wished he was home.

His eyes softened. He was about to say something, but suddenly a man came barging into the room. He wore the same uniform, but he looked skinnier and not as good as Damon.

"Stay strong for me, baby," he said, indicating he needed to go. I barely nodded my head before the screen went black. When I knew he was finally gone I let the tears fall. No point in stopping them now.

"Oh, my baby." My mum came running in. She kneeled in front of me, wiping away the fallen tears. He did it again. He left before I could say goodbye.