I'm Ava Carter, and I'm a member of the Crystal Blue pack—at least, I think I am. I don't know if I can call myself a member of a pack that tortures its own pack members for its own twisted satisfaction.

I'm a walking punching bag for anyone who feels the need to hit something, or in my case, someone. It's absolute torture living among these people, people I thought would be there to protect me, not cause me even more suffering than I've already endured.

I'm a loner—not by choice but a loner, nonetheless. It's easy for them to take advantage of me because I'm a weakling. In fact, I'm the weakest person in my pack. I wasn't always so weak, but over time, as the beatings intensified, I lost communication with my wolf.

I think she was mad that I never stood up for myself—that or she became too weak from all the beatings I endured over the years. It wasn't always like this though.

There was a time in my life when I was somewhat happy.

I was told, when I was old enough to understand, that my parents had left me in a basket on the border of the pack's territory. I had been found by border patrol, who then brought me back to the pack house.

The Luna took me in almost immediately and raised me as her own. She only had one son, and after giving birth, she had been told by a healer from a faraway pack that she couldn't conceive any more children. I think that was one of the reasons she took me in.

I was happy living with Alpha Benjamin, Luna Caroline, and their son, Caleb. Caroline was the one who named me, giving me their last name, Carter. They were the Carters—loving, kind, and gentle.

They always put their people first and made sure that everyone was treated equally. That didn't last long, though, nor did my happiness. Luna Caroline died when I was six, taking my happiness with her.

Everyone blamed me for her death. She died protecting me from a rogue when there was a rogue attack on our pack.

When the attack began, she told me to stay hidden in a secret passage, but I didn't listen. I was too scared to stay in the passage by myself, so I came out of hiding to find her. And that's when it happened.

She was distracted for a second as she tried pleading with me to go back inside. A second, that was all it took. One of the rogues charged her and bit into her neck.

All I could do was stand there, silently watching as the life drained from her once-vibrant eyes. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I ran over to her lifeless body. The rogues retreated when she fell with a thud to the ground, blood oozing out of her neck.

I hugged her lifeless body with my small arms, sobbing as I got blood all over myself. When the Alpha found out what had happened from a warrior who had been in the room, my life turned to hell.

Even now, at seventeen, I can still see the hatred in his eyes as if it all happened yesterday. I know he blames me for her death, because he never fails to remind me of how I took his mate from him.

That was when he grew cold and distant. After her death, he started punishing me for the littlest things, like forgetting to clean the house.

Yes, I have to clean the entire pack house, where at least fifty pack members live. I never complain, though, because I've always believed that I deserve everything that is happening to me.

If I had just listened, then their Luna and the woman I knew as my mother would still be alive. It was my fault, and I will spend the rest of my life accepting their punishments until they forgive me.

Ava's POV:

"Mom, please don't go," I begged as tears ran down my face. I sniffled a little, trembling in fear as I pleaded with her with my eyes.

"I have to go, sweetie. You have to stay in here and don't come out until I come get you," she said, placing a kiss on my forehead as she pulled back with a reassuring smile on her face.

She walked out the door and closed it softly behind her. I sat on the floor in the secret passage and rocked myself back and forth. I was terrified and not having anyone else in here to keep me company only made me even more anxious.

I heard screams outside the door and panicked.

What if something happened to her?

I could just stay in here and do nothing, but at the same time, what could a six-year-old do? I didn't think about it as I ran out into the hallway to see my mom being surrounded by four wolves. She was still in her human form as she sized them up.

She looked in my direction and begged me to go back in hiding, but I only stood there frozen in place as my eyes widened in fear.

Then it happened. In a second, a wolf attacked her from behind and sunk its teeth into her neck. A scream of terror left my lips as I stood still, too afraid to move. I could hear the cracking of bones from where I stood as the wolf snapped her neck. The wolf let her go and retreated.

Her body fell to the ground with a thud as her lifeless eyes stared back at me. I rushed over to her unmoving body and hugged her.

I was covered in her blood, but I didn't care. Tears were streaming down my face as I cried my eyes out, my face buried in her chest.

"No!" I screamed as I shook her body, with even more tears flowing down my face.

"Please come back to me," I begged, shaking her body.

"Mom, please," I begged, crying even harder.

"You, this is entirely your fault," my father boomed and rushed over to his unmoving mate. He held her body close to his as he cried.

"This is your fault!" he exclaimed.

"No. I-I-I didn't. I didn't do anything," I stuttered.

"This is your fault!" he roared, baring his teeth at me.

I scrambled away, terrified as he walked over to me. He raised his hand, and I covered my face with my small hands.

"I didn't do anything," I cried, waiting for the impact.

"I didn't do anything!" I screamed as I sat up in bed, my body covered in sweat. A shiver ran down my spine as I shuddered in fear.

It was just a nightmare. I had been having these nightmares ever since the day it happened. Every time it was different, but it always ended with my mother dying and everyone blaming me for her death.

I checked the time to see that it was three in the morning. I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep after that horrifying nightmare, so I lay awake.

When it finally hit 5 am, I shut my alarm off and got out of bed to do my morning routine. I got dressed and went downstairs to start on breakfast.

Everyone would be waking up soon to either go to school or work, everyone except me. I wasn't allowed to go to school. I had to learn on my own. I would swing by the library whenever I had the chance and read books to educate myself.

In case you're wondering, I also had to teach myself to read. It was hard living among people who looked at you with hate and disgust, but I managed.

My room was in the attic, away from everyone else. It wasn't much, but it was all mine. As for clothes, I would scurry through everyone's trash and take out the clothes that they threw away.

Yeah. My life was great.

I made bacon, eggs, and toast for everyone. I normally ate whatever was left, and sometimes it wasn't much, but I never complained.

"Clean it up!" Brittany, one of the teenagers who stayed at the pack house demanded.

She had spilled some juice on the floor—on purpose. I grabbed a mop and cleaned up the mess. She then proceeded to spill somewhere else. Still not complaining, I cleaned it up.

If you haven't guessed it already, she was very popular and mean. She always got what she wanted. I wasn't the only one that she walked all over; she was like that to everyone. She thought that because she was dating the alpha's son, it gave her these privileges.

"Pathetic," she said, throwing the juice in my face.

Can you guess what I did next?

Of course I cleaned up the mess with no complaints. My clothes were now sticking to me, but I didn't want to change until I cleaned up the kitchen.

After everyone finished their breakfast, I cleaned up and went to 'my room'. I took a quick shower and changed into some old baggy jeans and a shirt with worn-out Converse. I put my dark brown hair that reached my waist up in a messy bun and made my way to the library.

I sat down at the back of the library, away from all the scrutinizing eyes. I grabbed a book and began reading.

This was how my day went, sometimes. I sat silently away from everyone, until I heard a chair scraping the floor in front of me. I looked up and immediately cast my eyes down and back to the book that I was reading.

In front of me was my brother's best friend, Josh. I've had a crush on him for as long as I could remember. He had sandy blonde hair, silver eyes, a straight nose, and a sharp jawline. He was hot and girls always threw themselves at him.

I pretended to read as I tried to contain the blush fighting to make an appearance.

"What yah reading?" he asked.

I looked up and looked around to see who he was talking to. He chuckled at that as he showed me that smile that could make any girl fall for him. It didn't help that his dimples were more prominent when he smiled.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you," he chuckled again.

"Shakespeare," I murmured.

"Cool."

"So I hear that tomorrow is your birthday," he said, resting his hands on the table and leaning forward.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered, a bit flustered from the closeness and the fact that he was actually talking to me.

"So...what are you doing tomorrow?"

"N-nothing."

"How about I take you out...on a date," he suggested.

"I don't know." I blushed, pushing back a few stray strands of hair behind my ear.

"Come on. Go out with me." He smiled that air-stealing smile.

"Sure," I said, unsure.

At that, I heard laughter beside me. I turned my attention to the source and saw someone holding up a phone and a few of his friends looking at the phone laughing.

I looked back to Josh to see him trying to hold in his laughter.

This was a joke. I was a joke.

"You should have seen your face. Like I would ever go out with a loser like you," he said with a smirk, mocking me.

I grabbed my stuff with a few stray tears escaping my eyes, rushing out of the library, their laughter getting louder as I ran out of there.